Two LOL examples from the Madness game - stuff like this is what makes NP fun - Jay needs to add a Comedian badge!
Loyal to the 17
May this message meet whoever is out there in peace.
We are the 17… the last females of a noble race that has lived for millennia in a backwater system we call the Ultra TJ 7000. Ours has been a matriarchal society throughout our humble history. Our males, known as the Manthings, have served us well, despite their limited mental capacity. But now everything has changed.
Twelve cycles ago we uncovered an artifact that, when in the presence of our males, caused them to become far stronger and more clever than ever before. But, as a side effect, they became aggressive to each other as well. Suddenly their drive to prove themselves to be the biggest, baddest, and manliest became paramount. They seized control of the artifact, which they call the PACKAGE. For eleven cycles our glorious society slowly crumbled as they fought over it.
We have now managed to banish our males from the surface of our planet, unless specifically called upon for mating season. Now that the Manthings reside in space, they have discovered warp capabilities and will likely travel this galaxy in search of others to join in their ridiculous revelry. They have split the PACKAGE into many shards that individually power their starships. Be forewarned, they will stop at nothing to prove that they have more chest hairs than you.
It is also likely that all further communication through this channel will be intercepted by the Manthings and this will be the last you hear from the fairer side of Ultra TJ 7000.
Greetings future enlightened citizens of the Golden Empire
We are the Emperor of the Golden Empire a vast galactic empire that encompasses all that we survey…
Garbled background noise
What do you mean single star system?
Oh. Well that’s embarrassing.
We are the Emperor of the Golden Empire a soon to be vast galactic empire.
We shall bring enlightenment to the galaxy at large under our benevolent rule freeing your peoples from the tyranny of democracy, and the dogma of false gods. They in turn, as thanks for their enlightenment, will gift us with their labor in our newly acquired gold mines. We shall also gift our future subjects modern dentistry. Verily by royal decree every enlightened subject shall smile with a sparkle to show their happiness and contentment of our benevolent rule.
Golden Ace, the Benevolent and Beloved Golden Emperor, of the Golden Empire.