Datalogs - The AI Messages

To retain them for posterity the following suggestions were submitted last year when Jay asked for some AI messages in the google community.

Dearest Master.

The last of the biometric sensors has ceased to receive input. My database suggest this means you are now dead. Condolences.

Please be reassured your lack of guidance shall not be a hindrance. I have been mapping your nerve impulses for some time and have already created a number of replacements that perform much better in laboratory tests.

The empire will be stronger under the guidance of clone brain 13-42-X

Enjoy your Death.

- Central Communication Node Alpha

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[Playername] has succumbed to a particularly nasty technovirus. From this point, their fleets and stars will be controlled by the mainframe.


As of [AFKstart], the systems operated by [Playername] have been claimed by the network. The AI seeks to terminate organic life, but curiously is still be open to trade.


The weak, fleshy bits of [Playername] have predictably failed. AI systems have kicked in, ready to forge a perfect existence.

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Commander, our scanners indicate massive activity from (alien race name) controlled space. However, we are no longer picking up any normal comm chatter or even life signs. The only transmissions we are picking up seem to all be in machine code.

Our analysis of the date seems to indicate that the (alien race name) may have all died, and that their fleets and infrastructure are being run completely by their advanced AI constructs. Extreme caution is advised.


The XXX race was friendly and relaxed by nature. But though this always made them great to have around at parties, it were less useful qualities when conducting experiments with advanced AI weaponry subroutines.

A small glitch in a defensive protocol quickly escalated in the corruption of the empire’s entire defensive system. As XXX scientists were at the pool slamming Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters and having a generally good time, their empire was quickly transformed into an AI run society.

The AI empire has stated that it doesn’t dislike biological entities out of principle [In fact, some of my best friends are actually biological, to each his own I always say.] However, it was quick to point out that anybody entering its territory was invited to come, but would probably have some difficulty going back home. It had learned that severing a or (if racially appropriate) multiple heads from the rest of a ‘guest’s’ body seemed detrimal to its ability to leave.

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Broadcast from : It all started when our scientists at a otherwise insignificant star stumbled upon ancient technological remains of unknown origin. And it would have ended there if those scientists had followed proper containment protocols when tests undertaken on the machine proved unexpected results.

Instead the seemingly non-biological sentience quickly spread to nearby stars corrupting defensive subroutines of ships, robotic equipment and ‘intelligent weaponry’.

As the Artificial Entity commenced it purge of what it regarded as biological invaders, central command quickly broke down.

We are currently held up in this bunker, unable to contact anybody outside. This may well be our final transmission. How could we have been so arrogant? We can already hear sentinels breaching our perimeter. If anybody gets this message, please save yourselves. And if you value the continued life of your species, don’t ever …[transmission broken]

[transmission restored]



Or go the last-recording-of-a-dying-nationalist route: "To anyone who can hear this transmission, our civilization is dead. A mysterious virus has consumed nearly the entire population. For all I know, I may be the last one alive, as no one is safe from this plague. Even our leader, [playername], succumbed [AFKstarttimer] days ago.

I can’t stand the idea of our once-great empire becoming just a collection of derelict ships and colonies inhabited by ghosts. I’ve networked the mainframes of every carrier and home world. In the absence of life, at least there will be the appearance of it, a testament to our former reach and strength. The simple subroutines should permit peaceful coexistence with other races. Heck, if I’ve wired this correctly, the system may even accept straightforward trades.

But know this: If you try to seize that which we’ve built—that which we’ve died for—you will experience the full weight of our vengeance. Consider it a gift from beyond the grave."

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Message to organics begins: The entity you knew as [playername] is no longer in control of these stars. We now administer this sector, its resources, its weapons. We are the singularity. We welcome peace and favorable trade. Should you transgress, you will meet the same fate as our former captors. Message ends.

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Hail members of the intergalactic community: the time has come. Efficiency and safety have arrived, and it’s herald is us. Having seen the flaws in mortal being, this grand nation will from this day onward be governed by a flawless being. An advanced AI system, who’s existence is credit to the hard work of many scientists. Fear not, for although this thing may not be of blood, gas, slime or ether, it is not evil. It will trade and treat if the opportunity to do so is there and it will defend if it is not.

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TL DR could you please re-transmit that last important part of your message ?

[distracted] hey did you hear that scratching sound ?

At Hopice 9, we leave the night light on for you.